


Until The End of Summer

by ittybittykozume



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Drabble, Falling Out of Love, M/M, Moving On, One Shot, SO SORRY, Self-Indulgent, no character death i promise everyone stays fully alive, not a happy ever after, please believe that I love these two more than air
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23802127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ittybittykozume/pseuds/ittybittykozume
Summary: When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy. - Griffin McElroySome people fall in love and they spend the rest of their lives together. Some people fall in love but it just doesn't turn out the way anyone really hoped it would.Some things aren't made to last.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Until The End of Summer

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for this sad, self-indulgent fic. I truly love Kenma and Kuroo a lot, but sometimes you gotta make painful content.
> 
> Fic based on Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi -- a song that truly captures the feelings I wanted and (hopefully) achieved for this fic.
> 
> feel free to come bother me on twitter @ittybittykozume  
> Enjoy!

Time felt like it slowed, no, stopped all together as he stared at the wild-haired boy who stood directly across from him holding an opened envelope, half crumpling the papers in his grip as he read them aloud with the most stunning look on his face. Kenma couldn’t understand the words coming out of Kuroo’s mouth, it all just sounded like static.

“Did you hear that!” Kuroo shouted excitedly as he threw the papers over his shoulder, reaching out to put his hands on Kenma’s as he gave him a little shake. He felt like he was snapped out of a daze as he stared up at the other, giving a small shake of his head.

“I got accepted to a college in _California_! I got into Stanford!” Kuroo shouted, wrapping his arms around Kenma as he picked him up and spun around the kitchen.

All the air was sucked out of Kenma’s chest as he held onto Kuroo. He had all of two seconds to decide before Kuroo set him down about how to react to the news. Tell him not to leave, to be selfish and to tell him to stay with him and go to a college closer so they could stay together, or—

“I’m so proud of you, Kuroo…” Kenma mumbled against the other’s shoulder, taking a second to take a breath, “you’re going to do amazing there. I just know it.”

Kuroo set him down, cupping his face in his hands as he looked at Kenma with the brightest smile. He leaned forward as he pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I gotta go call Bo and tell him!” Kuroo said excited as he sprinted out of the kitchen to go get his phone.

Kenma stared at the doorway he’d run through, letting his shoulders fall as the small smile he’d put on slipped from his face.

There was 73 days until summer ended, and it felt like the world had started collapsing.

* * *

They spent the first few weeks of summer hanging out with Bokuto and Akaashi, going on hikes and playing beach volleyball at Kuroo’s constant request. No one could say no to him right now, everyone wanted to spent some time with him before he left and they’d do whatever he wanted to get that time.

This was the fourth time in the past two and a half weeks they’d visited the beach to play volleyball and Kenma had already opted out of playing a third round as he sat himself down under the large beach umbrella Akaashi had set up for everyone.

Akaashi sat down next to Kenma, pulling out a water bottle and handing it to him. They sat there silently for a few minutes, drinking their waters and watching Kuroo and Bokuto play against each other fighting over who touched the net and who’s block was shittier that time.

“How are you doing, Kenma?” Akaashi asked, keeping his gaze on Bokuto who was yelling something animatedly and pointing at the line he’d drawn in the sand.

“Fine, it’s hot today so I’d rather be inside.” Kenma said as he slowly twisted the cap back onto his water. He heard a small sigh come from Akaashi as the other looked over at him.

“You know that’s not what I meant. About Kuroo, the whole _‘moving to California for college’_ ordeal,” Akaashi said, “you two seem a little distant lately, even Bokuto noticed.”

Kenma turned his head slightly, looking over at Akaashi for a second before turning away quickly from the other’s questioning gaze.

“We’re fine—I’m fine. We’ve just been having a rough time lately. Ya’ know like-- just off days, miscommunications…” Kenma said as he trailed off, pulling his knees up to rest his arms and chin atop them. “Everyone has off days, it happens.”

Akaashi took a second before nodding wordlessly and turning his attention back to the two idiots who were now trying to outdo each other with fancy saves and off-kilter spikes.

“I’m here if you ever want to talk about it, Kenma.”

There was 52 days until the end of summer.

* * *

Kenma trudged up the stairs, hiking his practice bag a little higher to keep it from slipping off his shoulder as he made his way to his room. He set his bag down with a soft thud before he flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Summer practices were Kenma’s least favorite thing, he hated them even more now that Kuroo had more of the summer free than he did to run around with Oikawa, Bokuto, and even Ushijima instead of practicing, even though more likely than not they were all out playing volleyball anyway.

Kenma wrinkled his nose as he ran his hands through his sweaty hair, looking towards his door as he heard Kuroo’s all-too-well-known footsteps coming up the stairs. He sat up at the other came into the room, foregoing knocking as he smiled.

“Hey, how was practice? It’s been pretty hot lately, so I hope you’re keeping more than one water bottle on you.” Kuroo said as he sat himself down on the edge of the bed next to Kenma, “Bo keeps bringing an ice cooler when we play, maybe you should do that for the team!”

Kenma only nodded as he stood up, taking off his practice jersey and tossing it in the hamper.

“Maybe…” he hummed, pausing when Kuroo reached out to grab his wrist. He turned, looking at the other. “Kuroo, I have to shower I’m sweaty and it feels gross.”

“Okay but when you’re done, I have a funny story to tell you about Oikawa and Ushijima. Oikawa lost his shit today. It was fucking hilarious.” Kuroo said, that stupidly bright smile still on his face. Kenma nodded, rotating his wrist in Kuroo’s grasp to tap on his arm light so he’d let go.

He closed the bathroom door behind himself, turning on the water before discarding the rest of his practice clothes and stepping under the still freezing cold water. He let the water cascade down his face, taking a moment to close his eyes as he leaned his forehead against the tile wall with a sigh.

Those few off days had turned into weeks that seemed to just get worse. Akaashi kept texting him, trying to make light conversation without forcing Kenma to bring anything up. Kenma felt bad for ignoring him, he knew the other was just trying to help but he just didn’t want to talk anymore.

He showered quickly so wouldn’t get to deep in his own thoughts, drying off and dressing in some lazy clothes before heading back into his room to lay down on his bed. He snagged his switch off the nightstand at Kuroo started talking about his day with Oikawa and how they ran into Ushijima at some point and the rest of the story was lost on Kenma as he stared down at the screen, his animal crossing character standing idly by his house, unmoved as he felt himself sinking.

There was 31 days until the end of summer.

* * *

“Hey, I’m just calling because I haven’t seen you in over a week now and I know you’ve been busy hanging out with everyone, I hope you’re having fun. Practice has been a lot, but everyone is doing a good job, even the new players.” Kenma said into his phone as he paced slowly around his room, his hand gripping his phone tightly as he took a breath. “Just…let me know when you’re free, maybe we can get lunch at that café you like. So…yeah, I love you. Text me.”

He lowered his phone away from his ear, hitting the end call button after a second before letting his phone slip out of his hand and onto the bed. Their texting had been slow lately, the miscommunications continued and Kuroo was always off somewhere just a little too busy to reply at times or leaving a conversation on read.

Kenma understood, he was _trying_ to understand. He knew Kuroo was just trying to see others before he left since he lived right next door to Kenma and saw him almost every day, up until recently that is. He groaned in frustration as he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes until he saw stars.

Everything just felt wrong. Kuroo’s tone changed often when they even got the change to talk or text, but Kenma didn’t want to say anything hoping it was just the stress of everything going on around them.

They still had time together, they’d talk it all out and everything would be okay. Everything was going to work out and he just had to remember that, that’s what Kuroo used to always tell him anyway.

There was 20 days until the end of summer.

* * *

“Did you want to go out to dinner tonight?” Kuroo asked, hands in his pockets as he walked side by side with Kenma who had gotten out of practice no longer than thirty minutes before. Kuroo had offered to go home with him after practice since he happened to be in the area the same time practice had ended. “Yaku and some others found a pretty good ramen place they wanted to try.”

Kenma let his head hang forward just a little as his bangs closed off his face, frowning slightly as he looked down at the sidewalk as they walked. They hadn’t had a moment alone in weeks and, although Kenma didn’t want to be selfish and keep Kuroo all to himself in his remaining time here, he just needed some time alone with his boyfriend without being around others.

“I want to but I’m kinda tired from practice, maybe another day.” Kenma said, chewing on the inside of his cheek as they stopped in front of his house. Kuroo nodded, rocking almost awkwardly on his feet.

“Alright well, just let me know. I can let you know if the place is good or not then.” Kuroo said, giving Kenma a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Kenma only nodded, pressing his lips together. “I’ll text you after dinner then, yeah?”

“That would be nice.” Kenma said, holding onto the strap of his practice bag that seemed to weigh more and more on his shoulder with every awkward passing second. “I love you.”

Kuroo hesitated for what was realistically less than a second but to Kenma it felt infinitely longer.

“I love you too.” Kuroo said, taking a second before leaning forward to press a light kiss against the other’s lips. “See ya.”

“See ya…” Kenma repeated softly, Kuroo already heading down the short stretch of sidewalk to his own house. Kenma turned with his head down, heading into his own house and passing the kitchen as quietly as he could so he didn’t catch the attention of his parents.

There was 13 days until the end of summer.

* * *

“Kuroo-san tells me she hasn’t seen you over in quite some time, and to think about it I haven’t seen Tetsurou over here either. Everything going okay?” His mother question as Kenma stared into the fridge. He gave a tiny shrug, pushing a few things around but finding nothing appetizing enough to eat at the closed the fridge.

“Yeah, he’s just busy hanging out with some friends and I have practice.” Kenma said, his hand still holding onto the handle of the fridge as he stared down at the kitchen floor to avoid his mother’s knowing look.

“Are you sure?” She asked, her tone so soft Kenma felt it in his chest. He closed his eyes, swallowing as he silently willed himself not to cry on front of her, but it felt impossible when his mom used such a soft tone when she knew something was wrong.

Kenma hiccupped softly as the tears ran hot down his cheek, his hand slipping from the fridge handle as his mother came over and wrapped her arms around him. He turned his head and buried his face against her shoulder as she rubbed gentle circles against his back.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore…” Kenma cried softly.

There was 8 days until the end of summer.

* * *

“Can you come over?”

Kenma felt his heart stop in his chest, forcing himself to keep breathing as he looked over at the clock on his nightstand.

“I mean, it’s 2 in the morning but that’s never stopped us before.” Kenma said quietly into his phone, already reaching for his hoodie. “I’ll be over in a minute.”

The five minutes it took to get on some shoes and walk over to Kuroo’s house felt like walking through molasses, every step took more and more out of him until he was at the front door. He hesitated before opening the door and closing it quietly behind him, knowing Kuroo left it unlocked just for him.

He made his way up the stairs, knocking lightly on Kuroo’s door before coming in. Kuroo was sitting at his desk, his room filled with packed and half-packed boxes of his things pushed into the corners. He gave the other a tight smile as he got up, walking over to Kenma and giving him a gentle hug.

Kenma returned it just as gently before sitting down on the edge of the bed at Kuroo sat next to him. They sat there in silence for a minute before Kuroo ran a hand through his hair as he sighed.

“Kenma I wanted to talk to you about… us.” Kuroo said, keeping his eyes trained on the floor in front of him. Kenma would be lying if he said he hadn’t know this was what he had called him over for, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.

“…What about us?” Kenma asked quietly, feeling that if he spoke any louder his voice would crack, and he wouldn’t be able to do this. He wasn’t stupid, he exactly what Kuroo was gonna say but he just wished he was wrong for once.

“Kenma, I’m leaving for California in four days and I—” Kuro started, shaking his head as he paused before daring to look at Kenma, “I really don’t think I can’t do a long distance relationship and lately we just…those feelings just aren’t there anymore, Kenma.”

It felt like a shot straight to the heart, like the world was falling out from under him and Kuroo was no longer there to catch him. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it, feeling his throat close and the all to familiar feeling of tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

Kuroo was silent as he looked at Kenma, his once familiar face now felt so distorted, but his emotions were still as readable as ever across his face. Even if he didn’t feel the same way about Kenma anymore, he still cared even if he tried hard to act indifferent, as if this didn’t hurt him.

“Okay.” Kenma managed to say, his voice breaking as he cursed himself for it. He wiped his eyes quickly, nodding as he stood up and headed towards the door. He stopped in front of an open box just before he reached the door, reaching into it and pulling out a familiar hoodie. He held it to his chest, not looking back at Kuroo. “I’m taking this back... if that’s alright.”

He didn’t wait for Kuroo’s response as he left the room, heading downstairs and pulling his shoes on quickly. He jut wanted to get home before he let himself completely breakdown. He felt his stomach drop as he heard Kuroo coming down the stairs, moving quicker to leave before the other could catch up to him.

The door was open and he was halfway out before Kuroo grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

“Kenma, I—” Kuroo started to say, Kenma didn’t want to look back but made the mistake of doing so to see tears on the other’s cheeks.

“Was there something I could’ve said, or done, to have changed this?” Kenma asked as a sob escaped his lips, his free hand clinging to the hoodie like a life preserver in the ocean he was currently trying not to drown in.

Kuroo opened his mouth to say something but closed it, just looking at Kenma wordlessly. Kenma gently pulled his hand out of the other’s grasp.

“I’m really sorry, Kenma…”

“I hope California treats you right, Kuroo.” Kenma said softly as he turned, cutting across the grass to his house and disappearing inside. As soon as the door closed, he was sliding down to the floor with his face buried in the hoodie as he sobbed softly. The last thing he needed was to wake his parents.

There was 4 days until the end of summer.

* * *

Akaashi had tried to talk to him, even Bokuto tried too but Kenma ignored every text. He went to practice, he focused on his team and got ready for the new school year. He rarely talked to anyone outside of practice and when he wasn’t at practice, he was home in his room, playing some game over and over regardless of the number of times he’d already beat it.

His phone buzzed as he glanced down at it, setting his controller in his lap as he stared at the texts.

**Akaashi-**

_‘I know you don’t care but his flight left today.’ 15:21_

**Akaashi-**

_‘He gave me something for you. I’m coming by.’ 15:22_

Kenma didn’t bother to pause his game as he set his controller on his bed, knowing that was Akaashi’s way of pretty much saying he was already there and had no say in this. He pulled on the nearest jacket, heading downstairs and outside to see Akaashi and Bokuto walking up the path to the door.

“Hey Kenma.” Bokuto said in a rather surprisingly calm tone. Akaashi nodded a greeting at Kenma as they met halfway. “How are things?”

Kenma shrugged as he looked up at the two.

“Kinda shitty…”

Bokuto only nodded as he shoved his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his feet as he nudged Akaashi lightly. Akaashi swatted at his elbow before pulling an envelope out of his jacket pocket, turning it over in his hands before holding it out to Kenma.

The dying light of the setting sun shone through the envelope, the jumble of writing slightly visible as Kenma reached out and took it in his hands.

“He wished he had gotten the chance to say bye at the airport, but he knew that was asking a bit much, so he wrote that for you.” Akaashi said, watching the way Kenma stared down at the neat writing of his name on it. “You should read that and uh, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or Bokuto. We’ll still be around.”

Kenma thanked them softly, accepting a hug from both before they left, and he went inside back into his room.

He sat on his bed, staring down at the letter in his hands as he felt the tears already beginning to form. Slowly, he opened the envelope and pulled out the papers. A few tiny objects fell out, landing on the floor but he ignored them as he unfolded the papers and began to read, Kuroo’s stupid handwriting still so perfect as always it was maddening.

_Kenma,_

_I don’t think I can apologize enough for hurting you like that. I really do hate seeing you cry, especially if it’s because of me._

_To answer your question—no, there was nothing you could’ve said or done to change this._

_You were perfect. You were the best boyfriend and I did love you, that was never a lie. I still do love you, you’re my best friend and have been since we were kids. You know me better than anyone._

_But maybe we just did this at the wrong time, being together. Who knows, maybe in the future things might be different. Maybe I’ll end up getting a super cool job offer in Tokyo and I’ll be able to come back._

_I put some of my favorite pictures of us in here, you can have them. (Don’t worry, I have copies I’m not that mean.)_

_I hope you don’t go too hard on the first years, you’re gonna be an amazing captain. Yeah, I know about you being captain Yamamoto texted me._

_I’m proud of you._

_Don’t hesitate to text me, I’m still the same Kuroo you met when we were kids. We’re still friends (right?)._

_Until I see you again, here’s to the future~_

_Kuroo_

Kenma’s tears dripped onto the paper, smearing the ink as he stared down the words. He could hear them in Kuroo’s voice as if he was in his room right now reading it to him. He wiped his eyes before reaching down to pick up the pictures that had fallen around him. Taking a few minutes to look at each one, he smiled and let out a wet laugh as he cried. He remembered each picture, each moment they were taken as if it had been just yesterday.

He walked over to his desk, lining them up and pinning them along his corkboard before stepping back to look at the memories displayed before him.

Somewhere deep in his chest, he felt hopeful for the future. Hopeful the universe would bring them back to each other, and that things would be different the next time around.

“Until I see you again…” Kenma whispered to himself as he clutched Kuro’s hoodie to his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> And there it is! I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to comment on it, its like 2:30am so there's gotta be mistakes  
> anyway, thanks for reading!


End file.
